Well Last Night Was Interesting…

If you’ve been following my blogs at all you would know that I recently got forced into a job by my lovely mother for finding booze in my closet and I got one as a server. It’s been a couple of weeks now and it has been interesting to say the least.

Had My First Real Bad Experience…

So anyone who has worked as a server or any real customer service for the matter will agree that it is inevitable that you will have to deal with a fair share of animals. When I say animals, I mean people with absolutely zero regard to common human decency and hold themselves on a pedestal that they are better than you, period.

I have had a few tables and customers that give a little attitude here and there which I really don’t mind too much. We all have bad days and sometimes you just can’t help but be in a bad mood or whatever. I get it. But tonight I had a guy that was so rude and condescending to me that I was genuinely speechless for the first time in my life.

Alright, What Happened This Time?

So this guy came in to our restaurant today and he was by himself and sat in my section. Alright buddy you are by yourself. Sit at the bar like any normal person would going out to a restaurant by themselves and don’t take up a table that can seat 4 people and cost me money while you sit there chugging your water and all of it’s free refill glory knowing that you are going to leave me 2 dollars when I could be making 20 off a real table. What’s wrong? No one wants to enjoy your lovely company out to dinner with you? Awwww poor guy…

I’m only being mean to this guy because he deserves every bit of it, trust me.

So like the lovely gentlemen and his well done burger that I told you about before (see here), the dapper old man from last night came in at around 6:30 which is our busiest time. The guy orders a water and after I bring it to him he asks for a lemon. So i make a second trip to get him a slice of lemon. Next time I’m at the table:

Old Guy- “Hey buddy, when I say bring me LEMONS with an S at the end of it, that would imply I want more than 1 lemon, right?”

Me- “Oh, I’m sorry sir I honestly thought you just asked me for a slice of lemon let me go grab you some more.”

Old Guy- “Well it’s great to see that you understand the English language so I know it’s not me, now would you mind go and grabbing me those plural lemon slices?”

So at this point I am FUMING. I don’t say a word to him and just walk away to get him the lemons. By the time I got back to the table he was talking to my manager about how they need to hire more competent staff and I have no business working in customer service and blah blah #^!%ing BLAHHHHHHH!!!!!

We Are People Too…

My manager knew right away that this guy was a psychotic ass and took care of his meal for him but actually asked the guy to leave for being so disrespectful. As the guy was walking out he comes up to me and says,

“Maybe try school and see if you can’t find a real job that requires a little bit of education and people skills, you might learn something buddy.”

He actually called me buddy. For not getting him more than 1 lemon slice. I’ve never wanted to throw a brick at someones face so bad in my life but I held back and simply smiled at him and told him to have a good night sir.

I don’t know why people think that servers are just people who failed at school and have no other real skills. This ThinkProgress Article explains how more and more college graduates are forced into lower paying jobs more frequently these days. It sucks but people just don’t understand. I’ve never been so mad at anyone in my life before…

Stay tuned to hear what other maniacs I have to deal with!

Dude… Serving is AWESOME!! Well, Sometimes…

I can’t believe I’m saying this but my new job is awesome. Well, the  actual job itself sucks. Serving people is terrible and I hate it already. But the people I work with are absolutely hilarious and most of them are college students around my age. And that’s not even the best part.

So what’s the best part you ask? Well like my first restaurant gig, this one is about 90% women and they are ALL hot. I’m not kidding, these women are gorgeous and I get to work side by side with them every day. Who wouldn’t love this job? Sorry Mom, but there’s no way I’m going to working with women like this at a job like Washington DC Tree Service like you wanted me to get… Just not gonna happen.

It’s Not all Rays of Sunshine

Even dealing with customers and putting up with nonsense really isn’t that bad because every server is on the same page and we just joke about our tables in the back together. It’s actually really therapeutic and makes the situation funny to me. For example, yesterday I was waiting on this older couple (maybe 50’s) and the guy was just an idiot right from the start.

Me: “Hey folks, how we doing tonight?”

Them: “Good”

Me: “Alrighty good deal.. Well my name is Jacob and I will be taking care…”

Them: “Iced tea no lemon and water.”

Alright, good talk. So the guy was just a jerk from the start and for dinner he ordered a burger WELL DONE and his wife got a salad. So this is right at our dinner rush by the way at about 6 pm so we were really busy and the kitchen was just getting hit with an entire restaurant worth of food orders. I don’t know how they do it by the way. For anyone out there reading this who has ever complained about food taking too long when the restaurant is obviously really busy and it’s been less than 20 minutes, please go camping in the woods, get lost, and never come back.

Seriously, think about it. A restaurant usually holds about 200 people and food orders get sent in at about the same time at the busy hours. So we will say that’s roughly 150 orders of complete meals that all need to be out in less than 15 minutes with about 5 people in the kitchen. Can all you impatient psychotic animals out there just do the world a favor and stay home? Some people have real problems you monsters.

Anyways, only 15 minutes had passed when the old man waved me down from across the restaurant (don’t ever do this by the way) and had me come over just to tell me that they hadn’t gotten their food yet and it’s been way too long.

Oh, thank you for letting me know sir. I actually became blind since the last time I saw you two minutes ago and couldn’t see that your food hasn’t come yet.

So I very kindly explained to him that a WELL DONE burger takes a little bit longer than usual and especially at our busiest times but I will see what I can do. Whenever a server says this by the way, they don’t give a shit about your order and they are just telling you whatever you need to hear to shut you up. Sorry but you all need a little tough love here.

Long story short he complained to my manager and ended up getting his burger taken off the bill which I genuinely don’t understand. All you have to do these days is be a complete ass hole while you are out to eat and you get free stuff. Why do we reward such childish behavior to full grown adults? Whatever, the money is great and I get to work with a bunch of hot 20 something year olds while you get to look forward to going home and watching Wheel of Fortune with your beast of a wife. Yeah, I think I get the last laugh on this one old man.

So I Got a Job…

Well everyone it is official… My mom wouldn’t budge and I got a job. I tried to just avoid the topic for as long as I possibly could (which lasted 2 nights) until my mom came down hard on me and made me go out and start applying the next day.

She Didn’t Completely Defeat Me

So if you have been keeping up with my posts at all (sorry for the little break on this one, have been busy with all this application nonsense), you read about how my mom wanted me to get a manual labor job as part of my punishment for finding booze in my closet. I’m sorry Mom, but that’s not happening… I told her that I filled out a bunch of applications buuuut I may or may not have forgotten to hit that little send button when I was done. Woops…

Back to the Restaurant Biz…

I did however, turn in a bunch to different restaurants around my town since I already have a little experience as a busser back in the day (see here). I was pretty surprised to get 2 phone calls within 2 days for interviews and ended up getting hired for a serving position at this corporate restaurant that’s only like 15 minutes away from my house. It’s kind of weird and I really don’t want to admit it, but I am actually pretty excited to start this job. I started training yesterday and only have 3 more days of it before I get put on the schedule if I pass everything.

I can totally see this being me after a week…

Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to remember all the crazy stories with people I have and share them here. But for now I am feeling pretty pumped and am actually looking forward to working and start making money again. My mom isn’t too thrilled either but hopefully this will get her off my back for a minute.

Every Place is the Same

You know it’s funny, I have a lot of friends who are or who have been servers before and they all tell me that every restaurant is the same thing and if you can work in one place you can work in them all. After only two days I totally get it and can’t believe how true it is. I think I mentioned it before but that movie Waiting was so incredibly accurate it’s not even funny. I can honestly match up every character in that movie with someone from both of the restaurants that I’ve worked at. I will say though, I have yet to see someone mess with anyone’s food so don’t take the movie too seriously for anyone that has seen it.

But as far as servers and bartenders literally hating every single customer that they wait on and fantasizing about  throwing a brick at their head is 100% true. It’s not because everyone who is a server is some psychopath though; you would not BELIEVE the way some people act when they are in a restaurant. I’ve only been following someone at my new job for 2 days and I have been shocked at the way people act.

Am I Cut Out for This?

As a busser, I never really had to deal with customers that much and really could keep to myself. As a server, I will obviously have a lot more interaction with the customers and be responsible for making them happy. For now, I think I can totally do it. I’m good with people and I am kind of the person who can get along with pretty much anyone.

I don’t know how well I will be able to handle some stranger yelling at me for things that are completely out of my control though… Buuuuut I got myself into this mess so I guess it will just be something I will have to get used to and know how to handle. Stay tuned to see if I end up throwing bricks before my first week is over!

Alright, Storm is Back

Silent Treatment

I was feeling pretty good yesterday. My dad had talked to my mom and I thought all was well. So this morning I got up and acted normal and noticed my mom was giving me the silent treatment. How do parents know that this is by far the worst way to act when they are mad? I would so much rather my mom pick up the closest frying pan and throw it at my head than have her just ignoring me and filling the room with awkward silence.

So at first I kind of ignored it and was just hoping that I was over thinking it. But soon found out that she was very well ignoring me over this whole vodka in the closet thing. We honestly had this discussion last night and my talked told me everything was all good. Why do moms do this?

I wish I could say I was a strong willed man and that this card applies to  me. But I’m weak and I absolutely hate when my mom does this to me…

 Back to This Whole Job Thing

So I definitely caved first (as I always do) and begged my mom to just get all of this over with so we can move on with our lives. That is when she dropped the bomb on me…

She explained that she wasn’t mad at me necessarily, but is just waiting for me to let her know where my new job is going to be. Nooooooooooo……….

She wasn’t backing out of this one. If you read my previous post, you would know that as part of her punishment for this alcohol thing, I have to get a job even though we had made a deal that if I don’t go away to college I wouldn’t have to get a job so I could focus on school. I understand her mentality right now and I can’t be that mad at her, but I can’t help it. I DON’T WANT A JOB RIGHT NOW. WHAT HAVE I DONE??

Let’s Brainstorm

She had mentioned that she wants me to get a landscaping or tree job because she wants me to be doing actual labor and doesn’t want me to get some mindless dead end job right away. I’m sorry mother but that is not happening. I think I would end up falling in a wood chipper by the end of the week.

So now I’m sitting here wondering what I am going to do. If I had to pick a job that my mom wants me to do, for whatever reason I think I would pick roofing or some kind of construction job rather than working with stupid plants. Click here for an idea of what I mean. I think this would keep me in shape and let’s face it, I think it could kind of help me with the ladies walking in with my tool belt, dark tan, and no shirt on.

Helloooooooo ladies……

Who’s kidding who… I would end up falling off a roof on my second day.

So I don’t know if my mom is going to go for it or not, but I think I’m just going to try and get another restaurant job while I’m in college. I know a ton of people who are servers and bartenders and make great money. Most of them hate their lives though. I was a busser back in the day and I didn’t mind if because I really didn’t have to talk to or deal with people. But I think if I work with girls as hot as my last job, I don’t care what I would have to deal with.

Going to keep my fingers crossed that my mom can compromise with me on this one and not make me get one of these outside jobs that will inevitably be the death of me.

The Storm Has Passed…

All is Well in the Family

So if you read my last post you know that I messed up a little bit and let my mom find some vodka not so well hidden in my closet and she kind of flipped when it happened. Long story short, she has gotten over it for the most part. When my dad got home he definitely helped calm her down and realize it really isn’t that big of a deal. She convinced herself that I was sitting alone in my room drinking vodka by myself slowly spiraling into a life of alcoholism and homelessness. Luckily my dad is awesome and talked her off the ledge; but she still wants me to get a job (I’ll save that for another day). She’s still a little angry that I was so careless and now she’s worried that I’m just out getting hammered every time I leave the house but I’m hoping that will pass too. My dad told me not to worry about it so I’m feeling a little better about the whole thing but I couldn’t help browse the internet after it happened to hear from people who got caught drinking underage by their parents. I didn’t get arrested or anything so am I wrong to think my mom is insane for getting mad at this? I’m gonna go with no… No I am not.

I wonder if all of the drinking pictures out there are just paid for by liquor companies. I wouldn’t be surprised. I hate corporations and don’t trust anything any single one of them says.

How Bad is College Drinking Actually Becoming?

So in my internet surfing I found a ton of articles that are basically saying that college drinking is getting out of control and we’re all doomed… Alright maybe not that dramatic but some of the stats were pretty crazy.

I was reading pages from http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/ and one of the pages said that just about half of all college kids partake in “binge drinking.” This part kind of scared me because they define binge drinking as drinking at least 5 alcoholic drinks on a single occasion for at least 1 day out of the month…. REALLY??

Now I don’t know if it’s just California and the schools out here, but I have not been to a university out here where every single person I was with wasn’t “binge drinking” by this definition. Now I can’t imagine that this is just some giant epidemic out here in California. Even when I talk to friends that are out of state, they say the same thing about the parties and drinking. So now I wonder if the problem is way worse than these people think it is these days, or if they are just trying to make the issue seem like a bigger problem than it actually is.

I’m gonna go with the latter. As I mentioned before, I really don’t trust any kind of big corporation whatsoever. Especially if they make a lot of money. Now I really don’t know how much money groups like the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism make but I really don’t think they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts. Who’s to say all of these articles and stats aren’t just scare campaigns to get people to support their groups? As long as you don’t let alcohol affect your life, I really don’t see an issue with this so called “binge drinking” that is such a catastrophe.

Am I sounding like I’m on the road towards alcoholism? Let me know in the comments if I sound like I may need a little bit of help… Just kidding but in all seriousness let me know what you guys think about this whole thing.


Let me preface this whole thing going on record and stating that I absolutely love my parents. They have done a lot for me and have given me a great life that I have absolutely no right to complain about. I am very fortunate and grateful for everything that they have done for me and I know there are plenty of people who are much worse off than I am. That being said, I am ready to get the hell out of here.

I don’t think I will ever not love this movie by the way… Was Matilda considered a chick flick? Whatever it was awesome and you loved it too.

My First Job

When I turned 16 I got my first job at a restaurant as a busser and to be honest, I kind of liked it.

(This movie was unbelievably accurate by the way. If you’ve never worked in a restaurant you wouldn’t understand)

All the servers that worked there were super hot and the manager was kind of a creeper so he only hired girls (as servers and bartenders). I knew I never had a shot with any of the girls because I was so young but they were still really flirty with me and always talked about how “cute” I was. I’ve always hated to be called cute. A baby is cute. A puppy is cute. I don’t want to be cute and it makes me feel like I am 6 years old, but when I tell you that these girls were hot I am not lying. They could have called me anything in the world and I would have been happy. I really didn’t mind the actual job itself either. I really didn’t have to talk to anyone besides my co-workers (which was obviously awesome) and I just had to clean dishes off tables and wipe them down. The money was decent too and really didn’t mind having the job in high school. And that brings me to this…

I Slipped Up…

So as a compromise for me not going away to college and saving my parents a bunch of money, they said I didn’t have to have a job as long as my grades were good; which they have been I would like to mention. So all was well until today, when my mom found a half empty bottle of raspberry burnettes in my closet. Woops…

Now my parents aren’t that crazy strict or anything, and I kind of thought the fact that I like to drink and party was just kind of an unspoken thing with me and my parents but oh how wrong I was. My mom flipped and the first thing she hurled at me is that I now have to get a job before the end of the month. Want to know whats worse? She wants me to get a landscaping or some kind of job that requires me to be outside. Click here to get an idea of what she wants me to be doing here in California, where our water shortage is becoming a legitimate issue. Is she trying to kill me?

Now in all fairness to my mom, she is under the impression that I have been sitting alone in my room at night taking swigs from vodka bottles which is definitely not the case. I like to party but I am not an alcoholic (at least I hope). She just flat out didn’t believe me when I told her I only drink with friends on the weekend and is insisting on this whole job thing. I am kind of hoping she just needs to sleep on it and all will be back to normal tomorrow.

Stay tuned for updates…

Weekend Worthy of The Hangover IV…

Does this look familiar to anyone reading this? Well this pretty much sums up the weekend I had. I have never, and I mean NEVER felt the pain, agony, and absolute misery that I felt from the hangover I painfully endured for two, yes TWO days. I have never felt anything like it before in my life. I legitimately thought I was going to die. I’m being completely honest. There was a moment that I remember staring up at the ceiling from my friends disgusting dirty hardwood floor laying on a paper thin blanket with no pillow thinking to myself, “is this really how it ends for me?”  To give you a little idea of the night that we had let me just tell you this, I woke up at 8am under a doormat, in the fetal position, and with no shirt on in a hallway of an apartment complex that I had never been to before. This is 100% true. 

And The Night Begins…

So if you read my about article, you know that I am 19 and go to a commuter college and not a big university like most of my friends do. It’s probably for the best, I don’t think I would be able to pass a single class if I lived on campus with my friends, especially considering the night that we had last weekend.

I do make a lot of trips out to the university (which I am not going to name) for weekend football games and parties. So every year this NFL football player who went to this school rents out this entire bar and picks up the entire tab for everyone at the end of the night. I am not kidding. It is 3 hours of pure college debauchery and it’s all for free. I honestly don’t know how the city continues to let him do it but you can bet I will be attending for as long as he does it.

This also just happens to be the most laid back on the strip when it comes to fake ID’s and ours worked without a hitch (sorry mom). I honestly didn’t believe my friend when he told me about the football player paying for everything until I went up to the bar, ordered a beer and 4 shots, and then stood in disbelief as the bartender handed me the drinks and walked away. My 3 friends and I all gave the same incriminating look to each other and we all knew what the others were thinking… This is gonna be bad.

We didn’t know how right our assumptions and warranted concerns were about to be. The last thing that I have a vivid memory of is hugging my friend David, cheersing our beers, and walking up to the dance floor…

Where Am I?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a complete amateur when it comes to drinking. I like to think i have a little bit of control and this was only the second time I have ever blacked out from drinking, which is way better than most of my friends can say. But the combination of being away for the weekend, being with my best friends, and free beer was just too much for us to handle.

It was time to face the consequences of the night. My eyes slowly started to open and i realized I was on a floor. I also realized I was using a doormat as a blanket. Wait, why don’t I have a shirt on? Oh god this is worse than I thought, let me call David and see what’s going on. Oh, my phones missing too.

So after leaving the apartment complex, that I have never been to by the way, I start my journey home with no shirt on looking like a walking corpse on the side of the road. After walking over a mile to my friends apartment, I was lucky enough that they at least left the door unlocked for me. I walk in to find my friends sleeping in various places in the house all breathing and alive. I immediately grab a blanket and pass back out.

So at about 3pm we all start to slowly show signs of life and try to piece the night together. NOBODY REMEMBERED ANYTHING. They didn’t even believe me when I told them where I woke up and had no idea I wasn’t even with them. Needless to say I had the most miserable 2 days of my life and am lucky to be alive. I think it’s time I take a little break from drinking… It’s Wednesday now so by Saturday my body should be cleansed and ready to go, right?

Summer All Year Round


Want to know what the worst part of California weather is? Nothing. Every day is perfect here and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I was born and raised here and have no idea how people can handle living where it snows. Now I don’t want to make anyone from the east coast jealous or angry but imagine being able to walk outside and enjoy this 365 days out of the year:

Yes, living here is as amazing as it sounds.

I have family across the country living in Illinois and I have been there during the winter. I HATE IT. My family always tells me it is just something that they have gotten used to and it makes them appreciate the summer weather more when it finally arrives. You want to know what makes me appreciate the summer weather? NOT HAVING SNOW. I mean seriously, who wants to spend 30 minutes every day putting on layer after layer of clothing just to go to the grocery store? Not this guy; that’s for sure. Alright, now I’m starting to feel a little bit bad for anyone reading this with the summer months quickly wrapping up and snow just around the corner.


So if you read my first blog post; you know that our family had a pool installed a couple of years ago. Now this thing is absolutely awesome, do not get me wrong, but having my little sister around it isn’t the safest thing that we could have. Actually, about 2 months ago my little sister fell in and gave my parents a pretty big scare. She was totally fine and it happened when we were all outside with her so it wasn’t a big deal or anything but it really freaked my parents out. So recently they had a safety fence put in right around the pool to stop her from wondering in. I don’t know where they got the thing but it looks exactly like the fences here http://www.orlandopoolfenceco.com/ and I think pools look way cleaner and nicer without them. But hey, it’s for my little sister and she’s worth it right? Well maybe sometimes she is.

I’m glad that we can rest at ease a little more now that the fence is put it, but I really enjoyed the pool more when it wasn’t in. We have a small diving board for the pool which I love and is what me and my friends have the most fun on and is now barricaded off when my sister is around. It’s pretty easy to take down when she’s inside but it still kind of sucks. The fence also gets in the way of our basketball or volleyball net if we put it up which again is a hassle but I keep telling myself that we have to make it work for the sake of my sister.

If anything serious happened with my sister and the pool my parents would never forgive themselves and would just ruin our lives. We won’t have to have it up forever and hopefully in a few years we will be able to take it down for good and we can all enjoy this California weather together and to its fullest. The moment my sister fell in the pool was something that I will never forget. I remember it perfectly and I remember thinking that I knew it was going to be alright but still just had a feeling of horror when I realized what happened. I’ll save that story for another day.

My House and Family

Welcome To My Blog

I currently still live at home with my parents and 3 year old little sister. We have always lived the typical suburban life and I really don’t have much of anything to complain about in regards to growing up where I live. My parents do pretty well and I have been very fortunate growing up and I have always been super appreciative and thankful for everything that I have. My dad works as an anesthesiologist and my mom works as a physician’s assistant. They both took college pretty seriously and have always been on my case about doing well in school, which I do. I think they would want me to follow in one of their footsteps but I really don’t see myself doing either of their jobs. I don’t think I could ever work in a hospital or doctor’s office, there is just something depressing and sad about the environment and I wouldn’t ever want to have to go every day.

We live in a two story house with four bedrooms in it and a basement. The weather is pretty much perfect all year round and I absolutely love it. The built in pool that my dad had built a few years ago is definitely my favorite part of the house. It has been something that I’ve always wanted growing up and my dad finally agreed to have one put in. I wish I would have had it when I was growing up but at least my little sister will have it to enjoy.

Why Did I Start This Blog?

Do you ever lay in bed at night and before you go to sleep you notice you’re watching a youtube video and wondering how did I ever end up here? Well if you don’t I envy you because that sums up just about every one of my nights before I go to bed. Just to give you an example, this is the last video I watched last night before I realized it was time to go to bed:

Yeah, I know it’s adorable and I am not afraid to admit it. Well my point is I don’t really have many passions in life and I think I waste a lot of my time with nonsense like funny babies annoying dogs. If I took all the time I spent watching these stupid videos doing something productive I would feel so much better about my life. I am so afraid of college because I have no idea what I want to do with my life. So I decided why not do something semi-productive and start writing? I have never been the best writer and I don’t know who is going to find anything I write interesting but it makes me feel better about myself so I’m going to do it.

It also scares me that the only thing that I can say that I really enjoy about college are the girls and the partying. My parents would kill me if they read that. Stay tuned to my blog to see if they end up reading this and for the aftermath!